Grounded

Solus III by Ed Allen

I was looking through old journal entries and found this one from the fall, where I reflected on my favorite emotions:

There are a few truly great emotions: surely love; joy, especially with laughter; bliss, especially in the serene way; gratefulness, especially when tears fall; and at least for me, groundedness. It's a kind of peace, acceptance, rootedness. I'd like to think it doesn't require stability in the ways that might most immediately come to mind. It's an unwavering stillness that comes even while at sea, and is especially felt when the storm comes.

That word, grounded, has come up again and again lately. It was a rare feeling for most of my adolescent and early adult years. These days I find myself seeking it everywhere: while thinking, planning, writing, meditating, reading, especially on slow weekend mornings. I've begun to find it even in unexpected places: in conversations, while running, on the busiest days.

Groundedness comes when the freight settles into the groove. It's possible to sustain while in motion but I think it needs to start with stillness. It's less acute, but can give way to all of the other emotions I listed above. Like so many other parts of a fulfilling life, it comes out of presence and awareness. Perhaps most importantly, it is not a response to calming or peaceful emotions but a cause of them. It's needed most in times of turmoil and pain.

Some of the people I admire most appear to be the most grounded. There is a sober-minded wisdom in them. Yet it typically comes with a childlike curiosity. These people are calm but never boring. When you're with them, you feel it too. It's almost like you enter their world--one that straddles prudence and possibility. What a paradox!

According to self-diagnosis, a couple of guru-types, and my mom, I'm a type 7 on the Enneagram -- aka, the enthusiast. The basic summary: "optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go" (source).

This description should come as no surprise to those of you who know me.

One framing of healthy growth has the type 7 on a journey from gluttony to sobriety. This makes sense to me: grounded connotes a sobriety of mind, body, and spirit. And my default state--the mode I operated in almost entirely for that stretch of adolescence into young adulthood--is gluttony. Gluttonous for the next thing. Reaching outwards, stretching, probably off-balance. The world is so rich, the options so plentiful, the spectrum so wide. I believe that earnestly--what it is, after all, to take flight!

An essential lesson I'm in the process of learning is that the freedom I seek likely lies not in gluttonous expansion but on the other side of commitment. A grounded, sober-minded freedom. I think i'm coming to understand that this doesn't mean giving up my generative, curious appetite for the wonder of the world and its people. In fact, grounded presence can give way to the states where I am most creative and connected to others. The best part is that grounded people extend that aura outward. Other people can feel it and settle into it too.

There's a time to lift off, especially early on in a creative journey or relationship. When all I want is to add more and see how much ground we can cover together. But as an extroverted person, I have found that being internally grounded gives me a foundation to be the best and truest version of myself with others: someone who is ready to fly as needed, but is in no rush. Just glad to be here.

There's a 'levels of development' section in the enneagram analysis where they suggest nine stages, from each type at total failure to its best. This is how they describe the highest level for type 7, which sums up the paradoxical medley that I hope to embody:

"Assimilate experiences in depth, making them deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have. Become awed by the simple wonders of life: joyous and ecstatic. Intimations of spiritual reality, of the boundless goodness of life."